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Old 01-25-2018, 11:04 PM
d3r14k d3r14k is offline
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Default Lhancelot, The Chimera

(For the previous chapter: https://www.project1999.com/forums/s...d.php?t=288935)

After returning home to the sprawling forest of the Faydark, Tuluven suddenly felt as if he'd seen a ghost. Merchant Nildar stood before him, peddling his junk on his usual platform. Surprise turned to confusion as the visions of the Rivervale Massacre that took place only a fortnight ago flashed before his eyes. Nildar looked relatively unharmed, save for the abrasion on his forehead, which might have always been there anyway.

"Hello Tuluven, would you like to see the new shipment of a bottle of milk I just got in?", Merchant Nildar said dumbly.

"Fuck your milk, Nildar!" Tuluven exclaimed. "People died for you! I mean...they were only halflings, but I'm sure someone cares about the loss."

The rationale for Tuluven's murders and arson were now meaningless. Was it all for naught!? Excuses swirled like a vortex of colors in his mind, unable to settle on one because the deceptions all seemed to melt together. He cursed Filbus under his breath. This had to be some kind of hobbit trickery...

Tuluven shrugged and moved on.

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He could not be bothered with such trivial things today. A more important task awaited him at the famed Faydark's Champions building. Rumor had it that one of the Rangers there knew the secret of a mystical transformation. Tuluven flung open the door like he owned the place and marched up to Dill Fireshine.

He cleared his throat and spoke with as much authority as he could muster, "Hail, Dill Fireshine. Teach me the secrets of transformation."

Dill stood from his chair. His eyes were bloodshot and a spittle of drool hung from his lip. He was obviously super fucked up. Tuluven secretly ached to get on his level. 'Could I have the wrong guy?' he thought to himself.

"Ah, hey bruh. Yeah...like...I heard you were coming. You need to find your spirit animal, bruh. This is important for Rangers and Druids of all walks of life." Dill reached into his pocket and began fumbling with something. It made a familiar crumpling sound, like a baggie. Tuluven's interest was piqued. "You'll need to like... do me a favor, in return."

Tuluven nodded quickly. "Sure, anything."

Dill closed his eyes and let out a heavy, forlorn sigh. "There is a troll we need to dispose of."

Tuluven was taken aback by the simplicity of the request. "A troll?" Tuluven asked. "I have dealt with plenty of trolls."

Dill shook his head. "Well...he's not really a troll, people just call him that for some reason. His name is Lhancelot, The Chimera."

"What is a Chimera?" Tuluven pondered aloud.

"He is an unnatural union of cat and machine. I am told he is sex-crazed, as well as devious and spiteful. You will find him in the Steamfont Mountains." Dill paused for a moment before continuing, "But enough about that. Here, you'll need this to find your spirit animal." He produced a bag of green cacti-looking substance from his pocket, the like of which Tuluven had never seen. "It is called lophophora williamsii."

"What is that?" Tuluven asked.

"Peyote, bruh. This story is about to get weird."

"Fuckin' awesome". Tuluven snatched it up quickly and ate the entire bag. The room began to spin. A small, winged beast that he had not noticed before fluttered about his head. The acrid smell of smoke from the fire in the room burned his nostils. His senses were heightened...

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There was a humming sound. Softly at first, then louder. Wub....wub....wub.... Tuluven was suddenly afraid. He had taken too much peyote. He felt the skin fall from his arms as feathers sprouted in their place. His face ached and he felt the hardness of a beak. Talons spread where his toes once were.

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Dill looked pleased. "Now fly, bruh. Fly to the Steamfont Mountains and slay Lhancelot, The Chimera."

Tuluven leapt from the window and soared from the Kelethin heights to even further altitudes in the sky.

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Before long, Steamfont was before him. He landed in a soft patch of tall grass and let out a loud "CACAW!" One blink. Again. The feathers had receded... He was himself again, though the effects from the peyote were still prevalent. Tuluven took a moment to regain his composure, but before he had the chance, The Chimera was upon him.

It was utterly hideous. The body of a mechanical spider with a cat's head mounted on top. He supposed the cat was cute once, though that time was long past. Tuluven waited for Lhancelot to speak first.

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A raspy, mechanical voice broke the silence, "What do you have in your computer? I suppose it's an INCEL processor, you beta cuck!"

Tuluven raised an eyebrow. He did not know what these words meant, though he took them for an insult nonetheless. "I have come to slay you, troll!" He announced with stalwart resolve.

Lhancelot purred at the mention of being called a troll, as if he was basking in the misunderstanding of others. "I am not a troll, I just like to chat with all of you."

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Tuluven found himself sitting down with a lowered guard. This Chimera seemed to be long winded in nature. Somehow though, he understood what Lhancelot meant. He liked talking with this Chimera as well, though he had to uphold his part of the bargain for Dill. "It matters not! I will slay you regardless! You are an affront to nature, and you have obviously ruined your own lands!" Tuluven lept to his feet.

Lhancelot tilted back his feline head and let loose a cackle. "If you wish to defeat me, you must first face my contraption! It is my magnum opus of mechanical mayhem! I will rule Norrath atop this vehicle!"

Suddenly, a large creaking could be heard from off in the distance. When it rounded the corner, Tuluven's jaw dropped.

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The whir of gears drowned out the sounds of the animals frolicking nearby....
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He was a mixture of amazed and bewildered, all with the realization that Lhancelot, The Chimera must die...

(To be continued...)
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Tuluven Palefang <KWSM> -- Wood Elven Druid (Level 60)
Lhancelot The Chimera: https://www.project1999.com/forums/s...d.php?t=289641
Post your P99 memes: https://www.project1999.com/forums/s...d.php?t=298456
  #2  
Old 01-25-2018, 11:08 PM
skarlorn skarlorn is offline
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i'm tagging this thread to read after i wrap some edits
  #3  
Old 01-25-2018, 11:16 PM
Perseus Perseus is offline
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http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IfjAatRIBcc/UReMTLu617I/AAAAAAAAJ4c/YHm1iAorF00/s1600/Senor-Chang.gif
  #4  
Old 01-25-2018, 11:55 PM
Baler Baler is offline
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I laughed, subbing for the continuation of this adventure.
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consider red | nostalgia is a powerful drug.
  #5  
Old 01-26-2018, 12:05 AM
Pokesan Pokesan is offline
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lhancelot is the goddamn devil

not joking
  #6  
Old 01-26-2018, 12:11 AM
skarlorn skarlorn is offline
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this story is very pleasing to behold in numerous ways. any story that contains probably a gnomish engineered dildo machine is AUTOMATIC CANON

10 points to Ravencl;aw
  #7  
Old 01-26-2018, 12:13 AM
Lhancelot Lhancelot is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baler [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
I laughed, subbing for the continuation of this adventure.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llandris View Post
What have you FQers done to Lhance
Quote:
Originally Posted by Menden View Post
Wow, someone actually got it right. Lhancelot gets a gold star. They are 100% set by players even though we will enforce the way Lhancelot stated above.
  #8  
Old 01-26-2018, 12:21 AM
Spyder73 Spyder73 is offline
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didn't read because Lhance is in title

Also CUCK is not spelled CHIMERA
  #9  
Old 01-26-2018, 12:23 AM
vorpal_raddish vorpal_raddish is offline
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A weapon to surpass metal gear.
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  #10  
Old 01-26-2018, 01:17 AM
Canelek Canelek is offline
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Wobbly for certain.
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